Marriage Through our lens (4)

Over the past three weeks I have realized that there is really no one meaning for marriage. Each and everyone has a heaviness that is different and which they carry different. With all that it is never the same thing for all of us. I think half the time we are just following society’s need follow age obligations so we just jump in to it. I really hope we all get to search ourselves and figure out what marriage means to us. Maybe then we will know what look for in our partners. Apparently we need more than love to survive this thing called marriage. And its actually more than just a wedding.

 Shanice Daniels, Female

Besides boring proxy and the legal parts to marriage, to me it means mutually choosing to spend the rest of your life with someone you trust, love and who makes you happy. It also means loving them on the bad days as much as you do on the bad. It is like a relationship, but with a cherry on top. The invisible tie that binds two people who are ready to spend the rest of their days loving, caring, nurturing, trusting one another.

Angelica Hill, Female

I think of marriage as a mystery. My take on that is you either unravel the mystery, or it will haunt you forever. After 7 years of being in a steady relationship with a man I completely adore, you would think I would have the concept of marriage at the tip of my fingertips. Now that I have to put down what my thoughts on marriage are, I find myself further away than I would like as to what it actually means and symbolises for me.

Why do people get married I ask myself. For companionship, family, fun, peer pressure, maybe it’s because it has been made a process, a step we all must make to be recognized in society. A way of life, the circle of life seems more like it. I have come to know a lot of married couples and from each you gain a perspective on how you would define marriage on a personal level.

I have seen some couples who take long baths together for hours on end in deep conversation about everything and nothing, and am always amazed that they never tire of each other’s thoughts. Or the random old couple you see walking down the beach, old and so grey, barely upright holding hands and looking into each other’s eyes as if it’s the first time every time. Then there is the young married friend who says, “He feels his entitled to your body and because you are married you cannot say NO to sex anymore”. Or the old ladies at church who tell you, give your man everything from below the chest, it is his, but give only God your heart because a man can break you otherwise.

My own experience will give me the true meaning to what marriage really is. With that, I hope it means that it feels special more than it feels ordinary. It will make sense for me, not because I am of age and it is the next step to take, or because all my old Aunties bomb bard with millions of questions, telling me its time. I will know when the time is right because I have to live with the decision for the rest of my life. I will enter into marriage because I want to share every possible moment with my best friend in a legal and in a transparent way, because love can be a little messed up sometimes but we will grow together, to be stronger than ever, to overcome all obstacles. We will not let anything take away what is standing in front of us, maybe marriage will take us one step closer to always and forever. To creating our own tribe, a legacy, to have children we can now become responsible for, a product of US that will forever tie us to each other. God will be my fortress and I will turn to him in every facet of my life, starting right now, Lord if it is your will let it be done. Not my will but yours.

Ruvimbo ‘Nyandurilala’ Chizarura, Female

I wish I could say I came from a family were I had a good example of what marriage was or is supposed to be like. Unfortunately my parents, for reasons best known to them which I respect and had to come to accept, did not manage to stay together until death. So because it happened when I was fairly young, I really don’t remember what they were like as a couple. But I do commend them until this very day for NEVER letting us see that there were cracks that were obviously beyond repair in their companionship. It is the GREATEST lesson I hope to carry with me into my marriage.

How do I define marriage? I saw this wonderful quote about marriage, unfortunately I don’t quite remember it word for word but it made perfect sense. It said marriage is when you marry your best friend; it’s not chocolates and roses everyday. Instead it’s when you fight because he left the toilet seat up, you waking up in the morning with morning breath and all the other not so great things about yourself. It’s this realistic other side of the two of you that comes into place and because you’ve made the commitment to this journey, though not always great, you stick by them through it all anyway. You stick by them even when they hurt your feelings intentionally or not. You stick by them even when they act as if they don’t need you or they think they don’t. You stick by them when they are at their best; and more than ever when they are at their worst.

What does marriage mean to me? I grew up asking myself this. For as long as I can remember, specifically after my parents’ divorce, I vowed to get married and stay married. It became and is my sole mission to see this vision come to fruition! I hated what divorce did to my family and I had, lol have this burning vengeance to live up to “till death do us apart. “Marriage, at the age of twenty-six, means to me; first of all, a sacred covenant that God created for man and woman. Let me share a definition of love that I decided to make my lifetime definition. I was told that love is the self-sacrifice of one for another’s benefit. That is the most beautiful definition of love I have ever heard. Marriage is a blessing that we were and are blessed with, to have a lifetime companion and partner, to start our own families.Marriage, to me means deciding or choosing to love that one person, for the rest of your life. You do the grown up thing, which is to suck it up for the rest of your bitter-sweet years together. It is a journey that I look forward to and at the same time, to be honest, I tend to be nervous, especially since what works every marriage is different. Marriage means starting a family and finding your way to make it work as husband and wife, as well with the children that’ll come. It is the greatest learning curve, I believe, the human being will ever experience. It varies from couple to couple and has a transforming effect on both parties. It tests one’s limits to the very last. It forces one to be vulnerable and open completely to their other half so much it definitely scares one to the bone. It is all about transparency, honesty, loyalty and trustworthiness that is at a high level, second to God lol.I heard a local Pastor, I respect so much, say how can you say you love God, whom you have never seen, more than anything else? We see your love for God through your spouse! It was a profound teaching that had me thinking that he was right One’s love for God is reflected through the person we treasure and cherish the most. So I decided to make sure I pass this “test, “I am bracing myself for this long, trying, exhilarating, and joyous journey called M-A-R-R-I-A-G-E!

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